Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Togetherness



Naturally, I am a homebody. Bill and I have that in common. We both love being close to our families and having frequent visits. I kind of love that we have that in common.  Bill has never been too far from his family, and I haven't either until this year when my dad moved to Afghanistan to work two weeks after we got married. I wrote about it here. It was really hard for me to have him leave. We became pretty close in the last few years, and I feel like I was missing not just my dad but a friend as well.

There was a part of me that wanted to be strong about having a great distance between us. I tried not to think too much about the dinners that we wouldn't be sharing this year or the movies we wouldn't be able to watch together, or the talks that we wouldn't share. I had plenty of distractions with being a newly wed and all. I had just moved into our house that we are renting, and I had just married my best friend. I love my life. This week, I feel like my attempts at being strong fell through with the news of my sister moving to California. It was almost as if I couldn't handle one more family member moving far away.

I found myself wishing for a feeling of togetherness. I know that plenty of families have parents or siblings move away, but I never really pictured that happening to me. Maybe, I never thought about it, because I didn't want to envision my family living separate lives hours and hours away from each other. I know that people like to say that they keep in touch with Skype, Facebook, or email, but lets face it, communication isn't the same over the internet. I'm in no way mad at my dad or sister. They are doing what they need to do for now. I know we will stay connected even though it is different, but I am and will miss them dearly. I'm hoping I find a new sense of normal if that's possible.

3 Sweet Notes:

Rebecca said...

I never thought I could live further than a half hour drive away from my family and closest friends. I spoke to my mother daily and saw my family every weekend all throughout law school and lived only 40 minutes away. Then, all of a sudden, I decided to move to LA, 4000 and some miles away, and I thought I would be committing suicide with that - most likely. But...the opposite happened. I had no one here, not a soul. I am still here, over two years later, and I learned to be away from my family and everyone I knew. I found a new kind of family, very close friends here, who became a family of some sort.
I'm not saying it is easy and you won't hurt, it is an adjustment for you after all, but it is doable and it will turn out a lot better and easier eventually than you picture now. I promise you that. My mom and I have become professional face timers and skypers. I know it isn't the same and sometimes, sometimes I really just wish I could see them for dinner and steal a hug, but those days pass and if I don't dwell on the thought, it isn't as bad as it seems initially.
Our relationship has changed, but in no way did we grow apart or create any distance despite the physical. I cherish our "time" - visits, texts, phone calls, skype dates... - a lot more than I did any dinner before I moved.
Hang in there and I promise you, it won't be as bad as it seems at this point! Things will change, but not necessarily for the worse!

Rebecca said...

I never thought I could live further than a half hour drive away from my family and closest friends. I spoke to my mother daily and saw my family every weekend all throughout law school and lived only 40 minutes away. Then, all of a sudden, I decided to move to LA, 4000 and some miles away, and I thought I would be committing suicide with that - most likely. But...the opposite happened. I had no one here, not a soul. I am still here, over two years later, and I learned to be away from my family and everyone I knew. I found a new kind of family, very close friends here, who became a family of some sort.
I'm not saying it is easy and you won't hurt, it is an adjustment for you after all, but it is doable and it will turn out a lot better and easier eventually than you picture now. I promise you that. My mom and I have become professional face timers and skypers. I know it isn't the same and sometimes, sometimes I really just wish I could see them for dinner and steal a hug, but those days pass and if I don't dwell on the thought, it isn't as bad as it seems initially.
Our relationship has changed, but in no way did we grow apart or create any distance despite the physical. I cherish our "time" - visits, texts, phone calls, skype dates... - a lot more than I did any dinner before I moved.
Hang in there and I promise you, it won't be as bad as it seems at this point! Things will change, but not necessarily for the worse!

Leah said...

This is such a sweet post Natalie- I can feel the love you have for your family! And as hard as it will be to adjust to the new normal, you can tell you have a good attitude about the change, so I wish you the best! Don't be to hard on yourself either- miss them when you are sad, and rejoice in their new adventures with them! And just think - how cool will it be to take a vacation to California to visit your sister!